Giving Up Would Be Too Easy

Look at all this goodness that came from Pops garden!


awesome!



serious!

Sunday was great...I woke up around 730 am to call my dad...but I fell back asleep and woke up at 9 and made the call. We met up to do some grocery shopping at our special grocers...it was great! Many many Totino's party pizza's (39cents each) and burritos (27cents each) and plenty fixins to make PHO for the next month! It was super humid outside after the storm the previous night so we didn't hang outside for too long. I made my way back home and worked on some paint stuff. Dave came overand then Brant got home from work. The two of them discussed scaring people and how one fella looks like chicken little.
It was quite the conversation. I learn more and more about people daily. It was amazingly beautiful outside by this time...all the humidity was gone and there was a constant cool breeze. NPD paid a visit with beer in tow.
We watched a couple of episodes from The Twilight Zone...drank the beer and destroyed two bags of spicy Pork skins (that of which nathan would not have any part of). They were gooo ooo ooood. Dave split and NPD, Brant and I loaded up and headed downtown to watch the game...The destination was met to find they were closed. so we walked down the block to an open establishment and waxed poetic on the patio. Seriously awesome. It will be known as the "Brodeo On the Patio". after a few hours we loaded up once again and made it to Taco Bell for taco sunday HAVOC. Once bagged up we made it home to eat our foods on the stoop. NPD left because he was going to go make a stupid amount of money the next day at work leaving Brant and dazed me for the night. I went to bed.

Why is everyone Bipolar? I don't understand. It seems like that "diagnosis" is everyones favorite these days. I'm probably out of the loop. I could just be an insensitive asshole. Over the past few months I've noticed more and more people self diagnosing themselves with these serious issues. I for one call Bullshit, Bullshit. I would like to just say this..."WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF EMOTIONS ASSHOLE!" your not special, your not gonna get any "treatment" from me because you can't decide why your happy or of your down in the dumps. Highs and Lows. I'm an emotional wreck. I goo and gah over babies and have been known to tear up while watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition. When I get upset I turn red and mentally shut down...whatever. Thats me and I may and have gone through these things daily. It's not unusual. If you're a lazy ass and don't want to work/be an adult and yell because you're not educated enough because you don't know how to tactfully walk away from a situation and shut your idiot mouth...then your just an idiot. I know many "idiots" I don't say "well he was fine a minute ago when he was smiling until terry told him to sweep the floor then he just wild out on everyone", I don't see that as a medical mood swing of chemical imbalance...that's a lazy fucker who shouldn't be there in the first place. Adios Tony! your out of a fucking job.

I need my meds... I need my meds. yeah, shut me down. I take tylenol for a tooth ache.

But...

if you are in fact Bipolar...I'm sure everyday is a struggle and I hope things get better. You should have a ten minute or maybe even 20 minute "meeting" with someone who "claims" to have this disorder. You can erratically explain to them what its like while ripping off their face...or calmly...whatever you see fit... I trust you.

this is what determination looks like.
my nephew Chris...

hey neil...i found that disc i emailed you about....phew.
i think on some of the pics, if not all, you can click on it to make it larger.



This is the spread of my show at Flight Gallery at Blue star...sold every painting...STOKED!

Dave emailed me these...from a group show I participated just about two years ago .
skull is 2' x 3.5' on plywood if I'm not mistaken. Knife is 1' x 4' on masonite.
this was for the Eve of Destruction show...plywood 8'x3'This is molly, I don't know when she'll be done...3'x3.5' on plywood

here's an old pic from my studio...old as in like a year ago or so.
This one is currently hanging at the 360 gallery.

Everything is fine....soon to be told....

Development / Evolution of the south side.

San Antonio Spurs

Plums like the hearts of children.

How I in one night almost got my nose broken by one stripper and how I set her girlfriend on fire. spent a small stack of cash from where it came? no one knows.

Fresh fruit for rotting vegetables.

Motherbitch as a verb?

Marvelous I tell you.

I don't want to be as "grown up" as you. It's not something I have to convince myself of, it's the truth.

I want bangs over your eyes and holes in your heart.

In 2oo5 Morrissey got the living members of the New York Dolls together for a reunion concert. This was documented in a film entitled "The Return of the New York Dolls". It is the saddest film I've seen involving rock and roll. Truely sad.

les chansons tristes durent plus long. ..like mon amour

33 rpm...
the story I'm writing, keeps me going in circles.
advice I take but never take for granted.
Realizing repetition right as it's just around the corner.
You know everything you have when you "feel" you have nothing...
You forget everything you know when you feel you need more.

I've seen more pride when pockets are empty and stomachs are full.

what goes around comes around ten fold.
Here is my flat mate Brant in the dining room...not much dining takes place but there is pleny spooky ooogliness about.

Everyone wants to be happy and no one wants to suffer, but very few people understand the real causes of happiness and suffering. We tend to look for happiness outside ourself, thinking that if we had the right house, the right car, the right job, and the right friends we would be truly happy. We spend almost all our time adjusting the external world, trying to make it conform to our wishes. All our life we have tried to surround ourself with people and things that make us feel comfortable, secure, or stimulated, yet still we have not found pure and lasting happiness.

It is time we sought happiness from a different source. Happiness is a state of mind, so the real source of happiness must lie within the mind, not in external conditions. If our mind is pure and peaceful we shall be happy, regardless of our external circumstances, but if it is impure and unpeaceful we can never be truly happy, no matter how hard we try to change our external conditions. We could change our home or our partner countless times, but until we change our restless, discontented mind we shall never find true happiness.

-Dharma readings.

I've come to terms that yellow is my gold and green is just some far off place. I'm not sure what exactly it is that I'm waiting for but...

It's nice to know I'm not the only one and thank you to the person(persons) who left the four sheets of Plexiglass for me in the foreway of the building. Dave retrieved two of my illustrations from a show we had back in march. There is one more of mine and one of his a loof in the office of a bar downtown. I will see about capturing them myself.

Does anyone remember lennie kirks part in that alien workshop video...it was grey. 1998 or so? yeah, switch, kind of big wheels. awesome.

I tend to forget.

Spurs at Noon.

What the hell is wrong with people?

Seriously? Are you kidding me?
If i have to explain to you what the difference between interest and principle...you shouldn't have a F*%#$*ing loan in the first place. Especially if you've been paying on it every month for the past 8 years. Your an idiot and deserve to live in a box with all your money. I'm sure you'll figure out a lot real quick then.
Or when a person asks you..." Who am i speaking with?" do not respond with dead silence or "huh...what?" especially after the rep says it 5 times..."huh...what" in person means "PUNCH ME IN THE EAR" because that's what I feel like doing to them. Then I have to break out of "professional mode" and into "street mode" and say " Who am I talking to?". They know damn well after calling this place numerous times a week what the god damn drill is....Play along asshole.
you call in ...
put in your number...
verify your S*#t...
make pleasant conversation because you hate talking on the phone also...

mad props to the military...all of them... and no one in particular... some of you cats have got to pull your head out of your @(&#&^. Open your mouth when you talk to someone. Face it...your in the desert probably in Iraq or some god awful place...don't talk to me like your on YO MTV RAPS! Seriously! You are NOT P diddy, or Master P or lil John....you a soldier (not to be confused with a no limit soldier). be proud and act like it. I spoke with a fine fello the other day. He was in his 40's and I called him "Sir" and he called me on it. He asked if i was looking at my computer screen, I said yes sir, he asked if he had a title...it was "commander". I said "yes "commander blah blah". he said..."you need to learn some respect and address a man as he should be addressed." The title of "Fucking Dick" came to mind but decided against it. I said "OK." I finished the call and in closing he said he hoped I improved on my skill in my profession, I answered with "yes SIR!". I wish I had the time to tell him that the car that is going to hit him as he crosses the street isn't going to care what his title is. Dick. I hope death finds you weak commander.

I've reached that point and I'm trying to stay positive. Good night.

it could be worse....or I could not care at all.

Awe shit. Well a bit of bad news has come my way. The remarkably talented David Deyoung and I were scheduled to have a showcase containing art from the two of us this June. We had advance notice of this by about 5 months...perfect! Many ideas and.....fuck I'm not going to drag this out...it was cancelled because the gallery is moving locations but we will show together at the new place...in say...10 - 12 months from now. We've got a good 20-30 pieces all ready... now they will sit till the sun doesn't shine in feb or maybe march or maybe even april of 2007.

Keep on smilin'.

i'm gonna have another beer, because right now i don't care.
i was really looking forward to this.
shit happens.
grow and grow stronger.


gnite.